How to use Fear to Improve your intimate Relationships
Fear, worry and anxiety are one of strongest forces known to man. Because of fear we do things to jeopardize our relationships with our partner. What if she leaves me? What if I cant give him enough love? What if I can’t satisfy him/her in bed? These questions (backed by FEAR) are all too well known by us and this causes worry and anxiety. Out of all of this fear, many times we end up doing things that we regret not based on any real facts, but based on fear.
He or She is late from work (fear kicks in), they must be cheating on me. etc etc etc. Now once you ignite this thought or idea that they must be doing this or that Fear attracts that same thing to you !!!! There is always a ton of emotion and expectation in fear and worry in other words faith (belief) that something bad will happen or something good will NOT happen. And invaraibly it does. What if we could reverse that???One of the biggest fears that most people experience in a relationship is the fear of their partner cheating on them.
Now, your partner just may be a cheater, you need to gleen that out in the beginning before you get serious.But once you say “yes” to yourself, Im going to be with so and so, fear will take this opportunity to test you. Fear is the Big Guy worry and anxiety are his two close cousins but these three work intandem together very well. Fear is very muscular and aggressive (physical) he gets in your face..makes your chest get tight and your breathing gets shallow; you feel your blood pounding and rushing thru your heart or your head.
Worry and Anxiety are slim build, more sneaky and subtle but still very powerful. They both have an affinity to your stomach, keeping you from sleeping and slowly weakening you (mentally and physically) over time. Fear is also very very good at focusing on things that we a not strong with. Great ! Let’s use that power of focus and attraction.
Fear attracts the things that we dont want. So take that thing you fear and make it into a statement. “I am scared that he will leave me, because my Dad left my mom”. If this is what you fear, get a sheet of paper (or on your cellphone note pad) and write down “My dad did leave my mom, I cant change that but what if Steven (a fictional name btw) stays with me ?” Next write down ..how would you feel if this happens ? If Steven stays with me, what can we accomplish together ? If Stevens stays with me would we stay in N.Y.C or move to Atlanta ? If Steven and and I stay together, won’t we have some beautiful kids tho? If Steven and I stay togtyher, wouldn’t it be great to be able to break this chain of fractured relationships that so abound in todays society ? Keep adding to this list, and now you have become an alchemist turning that fear intoeven something into far stronger and more valuable than before confidence.